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The three alleged “different” actors have long been Hollywood’s go to bad guys. With their cold British scowls and diction they are evil incarnate.

Just to confirm that the actors are in fact the same human being, we decided to morph all three pictures into one super photo.

Here is the initial result:

However, our morphing abilities aren’t as good as we had hoped. So a professional face morphing friend of ours, who shall remain anonymous, used their high tech equipment to fine tune our work and…

The final result is shocking:

fellow actor…Tom Wilkinson? The mystery continues?

Despite being nearly 53 years old, DiCaprio, whose first role was Doc McNutty on a 1964 episode of “Bonanza” recently announced his next role will be that of Eliza Duncansen, a 3 month old baby who was born with a rare disease to an alcoholic mother, in the upcoming drama, “Baby Two Hearts: The Story of A Baby Who Had an Extra Heart He Didn’t Need, But Then Went On to Use It Even Though He Still Didn’t Need It”.

When asked to comment, DiCaprio’s people gave us this quote, “Leo is not gay, he has been dating a female for an extended period of time. End comment.”

This weekend, Russell Crowe unleashes his interpretation of the Robin Hood myth, a vanity project with a running time of 2 hours and 456 minutes. Craptastic was able to see it early and though we can’t save the $237 million dollars that the studio spent on it, we can save your precious time. Keep in mind that if you buy a ticket to this movie, the money goes directly toward gas to fuel the 30 Odd Foot Of Grunts tour bus. SPOILER ALERT!

Starting today, you and all of your friends can visit a water park and act like your favorite characters from the upcoming hit comedy “Grown Ups”!

The “Grown Ups” WaterSlide Experience is a fun new ride from Columbia Pictures and Water Parc International. The ride is guaranteed to provide moderate laughter at certain junctures. Plus, you get twists and turns in all the places you expect so you don’t get scared.

“We are very excited to open up The “Grown Ups” WaterSlide Experience to the public.” Proclaimed Vi Taft, a spokesperson for the attraction, as hundreds of people raced to the slide here at Splash City in Dearborn, Michigan.

Ms. Taft went on to explain, “All day I’ve listened as children argue over who’s going to be Kurt McKenzie when they go down the slide. Kurt McKenzie is the one whom Chris Rock plays.”

The “Grown Ups” WaterSlide Experience is a splishin’ and a splashin’ at Water Parks across the USA, buy your ticket today! Because now, more than ever: “Boys will be boys…some longer than others.”

CRAPTASTIC LIVE
Friday, April 16th at 10:30 PM
Theater Asylum
6322 Santa Monica Boulevard
Los Angeles, CA 90038

According to Larry P. Harmony of CNBC, the term “Cock Shot” was dubbed in 1986 after German weatherman Hans Shlausenberger’s pants inexplicably fell down mid broadcast. Shlausenberger was notorious for “going commando” and half of the Rhine was exposed to his natural look.

After Janet Jackson’s wardrobe slip at Superbowl Halftime the early 00’s became quite an unreceptive environment for thingys in general. Right as popular public opinion was warming back up to the phenomena, a 17 year old boy genius devised a website that would change all the rules.

The website was designed to give faceless masturbators and genitalia enthusiasts a platform to show the world their craft. According to some sources, if you log on to Chatroulette, you will be exposed within seven seconds.

All of the controversy and unattractive people on the site have significantly lowered U.S. popular opinion on the matter. We are now at a record low 86% approval of exposed genitalia. This is a sad…sad day.

Shutter Island = Session 9 + U.S. Marshals + whole lot of lame.

Spoiler Alert, you will be spoiled!

The song will be available next week on ITunes for the price of 15.99, which will also get you a door-sized poster of the band…as if you needed the extra incentive to buy the new soundtrack to your life.